Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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