Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
