you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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