he wants to bone in the snuggie
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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