it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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