I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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