Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
