Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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