the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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