Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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