It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
