how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize