Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
bring money and cleavage
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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