loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
