Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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