We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
