Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
