I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
