I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bring money and cleavage
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
