I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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