so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
