omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
