i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
