i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
