You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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