I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My penis needs a shock collar
third nipple confirmed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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