Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
