Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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