I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
