I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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