so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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