Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
