Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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