He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
worst night to have a conscience
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
