Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
