I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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