Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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