i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
