btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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