please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
