my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
