You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
