in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
