i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
