If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
