I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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