I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
