i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
