My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
