I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
