i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
