Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
