alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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