There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
