hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your dad touched me again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
