I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
