I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
