Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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