You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
