hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What a dumb baby whore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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