I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize