You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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