you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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