i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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