I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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