I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
