Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
