I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
