All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
