I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Say something about gay babies.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
