did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
