In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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