The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
